Scott finished chemo! Sound the horn, alert the media – Scott made it through. We made it through. Our families made it through. It was rough. It was agonizing, but we made it.
All that was left was for Scott to get a PET a scan to show how well the chemo had worked. He looked great, felt great, this was going to be great. I remember driving him over to the imaging place to get his PET scan – I was so optimistic – this was it the moment we had waited for. Just one little scan to give us good news.
Sadly, if you’ve ever had a PET scan or are in the medical field, then you know that a PET scan takes at least an hour and a half. Since you can’t go back with someone getting a scan, I did what any woman in my shoes would – I went shopping. All the while Scott sat there – “clearing his mind.” Apparently they don’t want you to use your brain too much when you are getting a full body scan done. They don’t want your scan to show brain tumors, when really you just have an over active imagination. So they make you sit in a room, lights dimmed, for about an hour. No clock. No phone. No stimulation. Just you – alone. And then the actual PET scan lasts about 18 minutes. So, if you ever need a nap, but can’t miss work without a doctor’s note – go get a PET scan. You’re welcome.
After the scan we had to wait for what seemed like forever. If I remember correctly, we probably waited a week or two for the results. Results we so desperately wanted.
The oncologist finally called us in. Imagine the nerves. I was so hopeful, so optimistic. My husband was going to be fine. No doubt.
Heart broken. Fear. Resentment. Anger. Confusion. These are the feelings I and our families felt in about a split second when we were told the, “results aren’t what we hoped for.”
Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of sick joke? After all the crap Scott has endured and it didn’t work? He’s going to die. How do we fix this? I can’t lose him.
The nodules on Scott’s lung and spleen had shrunk and had no cancerous activity – that was the good news. Bad news – the tumor in his chest was still “lighting up” on the PET scan with activity. It had shrunk, which is amazing, but it was still there – it was still aggressive.
Next, we were told that our oncologist didn’t recommend radiation on such a sensitive area as the heart and lung. She basically told us there was nothing more she could do.
We were in the ultimate storm. We just went through a tsunami heading into a F5 tornado. Debris everywhere. Searching for a safe haven.
What is so inspiring is that I am writing about a past experience, but the Lord is still speaking to me about it. This week I studied how our Faith in God is usually brought out through Fear. How true this is. Sure everyday we show bits of faith in our walk with God, but when we are fearful it puts our faith to the test – this is where real faith takes place.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Our faith in the Lord kept us afloat in this storm. We can’t blame God for bad things happening to us. Yes, we asked God “why?” Yes, we asked God “how did this happen?” Yes, we were mad, but we were humbled. Why shouldn’t Scott have gotten cancer, when there are so many sick children? Why shouldn’t Scott have gotten cancer, when there are people starving all over the world? We are sinners. We were humbled. We were born into sin, death and sickness – these are not Godly things – stop thinking they are. God doesn’t give us sickness, but no matter we will all ultimately return from where we were taken. Genesis 3:19 says, “… for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” Jesus is the conqueror and 1 Corinthians 15:26 confirms that death is the enemy and it will be abolished. He will claim the victory. We can’t and won’t understand everything that happens in our lives, but we can have faith.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5